This is the collaborative journal of W.C. Chambers and J.R. Bowman. Read. Wonder. Reply. Thanks for stopping by.
Thursday, January 26, 2006,8:00 AM
What Lonely Creatures They Must Be
You see him sitting
Comfortably alone
Embraced by his wings
You think him an angel at first
But what angel would have such
wings as these
Perhaps a Fallen
No, the Fallen has no wings to comfort themselves
You look again
These cannot be the wings of an angel
For this is an aged soul
A weary thinker
Angels do not age
Do they?
What can this be?
You ponder a moment
You clear your mind of all perceptions
You look at this scene again
You strip it clear and see it for what it is
Not for what it could be
The wings are light in weight
And humbled to his sides
They are brilliant in their majesty
yet simple in their complexity
Look at the man again
This is a man
Not an angel
This is a man of some character you’ve not met
often enough in your life
You remember
The scene is complete
The man is a Dreamer
What lonely creatures they must be
Comfortably alone
Embraced by his wings
You think him an angel at first
But what angel would have such
wings as these
Perhaps a Fallen
No, the Fallen has no wings to comfort themselves
You look again
These cannot be the wings of an angel
For this is an aged soul
A weary thinker
Angels do not age
Do they?
What can this be?
You ponder a moment
You clear your mind of all perceptions
You look at this scene again
You strip it clear and see it for what it is
Not for what it could be
The wings are light in weight
And humbled to his sides
They are brilliant in their majesty
yet simple in their complexity
Look at the man again
This is a man
Not an angel
This is a man of some character you’ve not met
often enough in your life
You remember
The scene is complete
The man is a Dreamer
What lonely creatures they must be
Saturday, January 21, 2006,2:27 PM
Introspection
The one who answers "nothing" when asked "what are you thinking about?" is a worthless individual. We are all thinking about something, generally all of the time. Even while we sleep we think and so we dream. And while we are awake we also dream unlike those who do not think and do not dream.
Our dreams define us. Whithout them we would have no goals to reach. When one sits and thinks they are wrestling with themselves to focus that dream and make it a reality. But those without a thought in their heads wonder about aimlessly, void of ambition.
Then there are those of us refered to as "Dreamers". We are the constant thinkers. Not a moment goes by in which we are not activley advancing our position in the world or enhancing ourselves.
The difference between one of moderate talent and one of supreme excellence is by how much the individual dreams. A great fighter dreams of parries, counters, footwork, attacks, and feigns. A great mathamatician dreams of theorems, algorithms, formulas, and numbers. A great philosopher dreams of meaning, depth, love, and the human condition. A great musician dreams of songs, rhythms, cords, and beats. A great writer dreams of characters, plots, and structure.
A dreamer thinks all the time, especially when nothing is going on: like during commercials, while waiting in line, while eating, while driving, at parties, at sporting events, in movies, and so on. Those who do not dream do not think and therefore time wastes away and they have done nothing to further themselves.
To a dreamer I offer this advise. Surround yourself with those who are constantly thinking and constantly improving upon what they already know; they will only lead you higher. Limit your time with those who minds are empty and whose thoughts are blank; they will only hold you back. To tell the difference just ask, "what are you thinking about?"
Our dreams define us. Whithout them we would have no goals to reach. When one sits and thinks they are wrestling with themselves to focus that dream and make it a reality. But those without a thought in their heads wonder about aimlessly, void of ambition.
Then there are those of us refered to as "Dreamers". We are the constant thinkers. Not a moment goes by in which we are not activley advancing our position in the world or enhancing ourselves.
The difference between one of moderate talent and one of supreme excellence is by how much the individual dreams. A great fighter dreams of parries, counters, footwork, attacks, and feigns. A great mathamatician dreams of theorems, algorithms, formulas, and numbers. A great philosopher dreams of meaning, depth, love, and the human condition. A great musician dreams of songs, rhythms, cords, and beats. A great writer dreams of characters, plots, and structure.
A dreamer thinks all the time, especially when nothing is going on: like during commercials, while waiting in line, while eating, while driving, at parties, at sporting events, in movies, and so on. Those who do not dream do not think and therefore time wastes away and they have done nothing to further themselves.
To a dreamer I offer this advise. Surround yourself with those who are constantly thinking and constantly improving upon what they already know; they will only lead you higher. Limit your time with those who minds are empty and whose thoughts are blank; they will only hold you back. To tell the difference just ask, "what are you thinking about?"
Sunday, January 15, 2006,3:53 PM
Disenchanted Youth part two
This lifetime friend of mine called me around 2 in the morning, this was NO bother for me considering I’m usually well awake during the hours past midnight. And this particular night had been for him a long night of drunken thought which led to drunken desperation and loneliness. At the end of an hour and a half conversation my friend finally got to the point of all his redundant ramblings and he said to me.
“ Brother, I want you to evaluate my life, my habits, my attitude, my way of living, tell me what you think of me. Tell me what you think about the way’s that I’ve changed. Be honest, don’t hold back. What kind of person am I now compared to how I used to be? I want to know what you think about my girl from what I’ve told you. How should I deal with her? I could seriously marry this girl, I thought we had that kind of relationship. But now I’m not so sure, I need your advice on this one, I still love her SO VERY MUCH. I Don’t know what to do. Help, I love you brother, Thank you.”
I wanted to slap him, because he’s so young. We’re so young. He shouldn’t be thinking about marriage to Anyone at this point in his life. There’s still so much life to be lived. But I felt sorry for him too. Even though least of it was his own damn fault, a bigger piece belongs to his step father for being such a cruel asshole, and the majority to his mother for almost never standing up for her son when he need someone too. That’s when I really started taking notice of things that just didn’t seem right about how things in this day in age weren’t working out for a lot of people. And for the lucky ones who were already making they’re money with insurance companies and what have you, well good for them. The rich fuckers. But this speech isn’t about them, this is about the absolutely down to earth struggling to find their niche in life kind of man and woman who have actually stepped back and refused to accept what everyone says they should do and actually questions what it is they would like to do that would make them happy doing it. The dreamers of a disenchanted youth.
For many people in my lifetime they go through their life without really questioning anything. But for a large number of friends that I have come across in my life who are still my friends during this age of college and self fulfilling prophecy. They are unhappy with their routines of school and work. And for those who stay in school for the whole ride. They’re lucky if they get out of school by 24. For the rest of the poor bastards who want to be doctors and lawyers and psychiatrists. Well, they’re not getting out until they’re about 27 or 28 depending on when they started school.
I feel sad, as well as many of us do. We feel like we’re being held back from something. And it’s not KNOWLEDGE that we are seeking anymore. It’s experience, we want our God Given lives back. We as the youth are tired of drooling painfully over books and keyboards, going blind from computer screens and deaf from our headphones that we ware in an attempt to drown out the ambience of our dull existence.
Something’s in this nation and the way things are taught to be, just don’t make any sense. Early in life kids are taught to read poetry and literature to teach themselves lessons of life. One collection of stories in particular that I should have listened to more in depthly as a kid is the stories of Tom Sawyer and Huckle Berry Finn. Two kids who daily skipped scool in order to have adventures in their lives as opposed to reading about someone else’s travels and adventures. They found school (like most of us) to be dissatisfying and boring. So they simply ran around caused more trouble then they should have but still they learned their lessons the honest way as opposed to reading the cliff notes.
I’m currently 22 years old, I was born June 5th 1983. I graduated from the Art Institute of Dallas March 26th of 2005. Towards the end of my college life I became very depressed and unsatisfied with what I was doing. I was tired of recreating life forms fantasy based or otherwise. I wanted to actually be out in the world instead of building fictional worlds. So after 3 months of no luck in my career field. I ran, I ran all the way to Starruca Pennsylvania up in the Pokanose Mountains. A 24 hour drive from Oklahoma City. And you know what I saw when I got there. A bunch of kids as young as 9 years old talking about business and what they were gonna do when they grew up. Some of them, a few of them wanted to be film makers and they took great liberty in rattling off the programs they used at home in order to edit their films.
That’s when I was disgusted at what my life was in retrospect. I remember playing around getting dirty in the mud, jump on rocks, running through the woods, discovering new creatures as a kid and how vivid my imagination was. I drew all the time. Where as now I have to literally force myself to sit and sketch something just to make sure I still have the talent. I remember first trying to decide what I was going to be when I grew up and what a fantasy and a lifetime away that idea seemed. And that’s all it was, just a fantasy. From then on I spent most of my hours of the day behind an uncomfortable desk looking a books I never really cared for, I was just barely making the grade and the whole time I couldn’t wait to get home so I could go in the back yard and explore my wilderness of imagination. But still dreaming of that day when I would be all grown up and be that successful teacher, that film maker, that cook, or that whatever it was at the time.
My short time outside after school in the back yard soon got shorter and shorter. Then I remember I was suppose to have a relationship with a girl at school. I never got the ones I chose to go after. Eventually I quit and decided to put even more energy into practicing one of my talents that would someday make me into that actor, that writer, that artist or that whatever it was at the time.
I managed to get a school interested in me and they accepted me for college. I felt on fire, I did it. I was going to college, first kid in my family to do it. I was proud of myself and my family was proud too. I felt like I was cheating the system somehow. I was going to school to look at naked people and draw them and create them on a computer in 3 dimensions. When all my buddies were still cramming their noses into books.
My time for pride soon left, and I began to see how truly difficult it was gonna be for me to succeed in this particular field of art. I was good enough yeah, I could do it and make it look great but I wasn’t one that stood out in a crowd. And that’s what you have to be in order to make it. I felt cheated, the system had got me to give them 50 thousand dollars and as soon as I was really starting to understand what I was doing. I didn’t care anymore I just wanted to sit outside and enjoy the sun on my face. But I didn’t have time even do that for more then a few moments at a time. I spent the last 3 months of school indoors and at night working on my portfolio so that hopefully I could graduate. I survived on coffee and nodoze to stay awake long enough to get everything done. I graduated so I guess I did ok.
Now I didn’t have constant daily access to the internet cause I couldn’t and still cant afford it. Which, for those of you who don’t know is the only free and most abundant way to find information and tutorials on how to do things for my field of work. I knew I was fucked. My family was proud that I had now graduated from college and was ready to finally go out into the world and be somebody. I was disgusted, because the day after graduation we had a portfolio show where employers were invited to look at our work and see if they liked it enough to talk to us about possibly working for them. I had 2 people talk to me who were being generous because I was at the end of the table and they knew that I’d just witnessed them ooo and aww over my classmates work.
So here I am now a year later and now my friends back home are getting closer and closer to their own graduations. They’re reaching that final leg of the race. Just one year to go or however long it is that they have left. And you know what I’m hearing? Complaints. They as well as I are sick of it, all of it. They just want to live and be free from tests and books and notes and massive amounts of coffee.
Here’s my question. How long has this been going on? For how many generations have people realized that all we want to do is play and have recess? Like we’re suppose to do. There’s more to this but I’m tired now and my question wasn’t really fulfilled here at the end but you understand what I’m trying to say I hope.
“ Brother, I want you to evaluate my life, my habits, my attitude, my way of living, tell me what you think of me. Tell me what you think about the way’s that I’ve changed. Be honest, don’t hold back. What kind of person am I now compared to how I used to be? I want to know what you think about my girl from what I’ve told you. How should I deal with her? I could seriously marry this girl, I thought we had that kind of relationship. But now I’m not so sure, I need your advice on this one, I still love her SO VERY MUCH. I Don’t know what to do. Help, I love you brother, Thank you.”
I wanted to slap him, because he’s so young. We’re so young. He shouldn’t be thinking about marriage to Anyone at this point in his life. There’s still so much life to be lived. But I felt sorry for him too. Even though least of it was his own damn fault, a bigger piece belongs to his step father for being such a cruel asshole, and the majority to his mother for almost never standing up for her son when he need someone too. That’s when I really started taking notice of things that just didn’t seem right about how things in this day in age weren’t working out for a lot of people. And for the lucky ones who were already making they’re money with insurance companies and what have you, well good for them. The rich fuckers. But this speech isn’t about them, this is about the absolutely down to earth struggling to find their niche in life kind of man and woman who have actually stepped back and refused to accept what everyone says they should do and actually questions what it is they would like to do that would make them happy doing it. The dreamers of a disenchanted youth.
For many people in my lifetime they go through their life without really questioning anything. But for a large number of friends that I have come across in my life who are still my friends during this age of college and self fulfilling prophecy. They are unhappy with their routines of school and work. And for those who stay in school for the whole ride. They’re lucky if they get out of school by 24. For the rest of the poor bastards who want to be doctors and lawyers and psychiatrists. Well, they’re not getting out until they’re about 27 or 28 depending on when they started school.
I feel sad, as well as many of us do. We feel like we’re being held back from something. And it’s not KNOWLEDGE that we are seeking anymore. It’s experience, we want our God Given lives back. We as the youth are tired of drooling painfully over books and keyboards, going blind from computer screens and deaf from our headphones that we ware in an attempt to drown out the ambience of our dull existence.
Something’s in this nation and the way things are taught to be, just don’t make any sense. Early in life kids are taught to read poetry and literature to teach themselves lessons of life. One collection of stories in particular that I should have listened to more in depthly as a kid is the stories of Tom Sawyer and Huckle Berry Finn. Two kids who daily skipped scool in order to have adventures in their lives as opposed to reading about someone else’s travels and adventures. They found school (like most of us) to be dissatisfying and boring. So they simply ran around caused more trouble then they should have but still they learned their lessons the honest way as opposed to reading the cliff notes.
I’m currently 22 years old, I was born June 5th 1983. I graduated from the Art Institute of Dallas March 26th of 2005. Towards the end of my college life I became very depressed and unsatisfied with what I was doing. I was tired of recreating life forms fantasy based or otherwise. I wanted to actually be out in the world instead of building fictional worlds. So after 3 months of no luck in my career field. I ran, I ran all the way to Starruca Pennsylvania up in the Pokanose Mountains. A 24 hour drive from Oklahoma City. And you know what I saw when I got there. A bunch of kids as young as 9 years old talking about business and what they were gonna do when they grew up. Some of them, a few of them wanted to be film makers and they took great liberty in rattling off the programs they used at home in order to edit their films.
That’s when I was disgusted at what my life was in retrospect. I remember playing around getting dirty in the mud, jump on rocks, running through the woods, discovering new creatures as a kid and how vivid my imagination was. I drew all the time. Where as now I have to literally force myself to sit and sketch something just to make sure I still have the talent. I remember first trying to decide what I was going to be when I grew up and what a fantasy and a lifetime away that idea seemed. And that’s all it was, just a fantasy. From then on I spent most of my hours of the day behind an uncomfortable desk looking a books I never really cared for, I was just barely making the grade and the whole time I couldn’t wait to get home so I could go in the back yard and explore my wilderness of imagination. But still dreaming of that day when I would be all grown up and be that successful teacher, that film maker, that cook, or that whatever it was at the time.
My short time outside after school in the back yard soon got shorter and shorter. Then I remember I was suppose to have a relationship with a girl at school. I never got the ones I chose to go after. Eventually I quit and decided to put even more energy into practicing one of my talents that would someday make me into that actor, that writer, that artist or that whatever it was at the time.
I managed to get a school interested in me and they accepted me for college. I felt on fire, I did it. I was going to college, first kid in my family to do it. I was proud of myself and my family was proud too. I felt like I was cheating the system somehow. I was going to school to look at naked people and draw them and create them on a computer in 3 dimensions. When all my buddies were still cramming their noses into books.
My time for pride soon left, and I began to see how truly difficult it was gonna be for me to succeed in this particular field of art. I was good enough yeah, I could do it and make it look great but I wasn’t one that stood out in a crowd. And that’s what you have to be in order to make it. I felt cheated, the system had got me to give them 50 thousand dollars and as soon as I was really starting to understand what I was doing. I didn’t care anymore I just wanted to sit outside and enjoy the sun on my face. But I didn’t have time even do that for more then a few moments at a time. I spent the last 3 months of school indoors and at night working on my portfolio so that hopefully I could graduate. I survived on coffee and nodoze to stay awake long enough to get everything done. I graduated so I guess I did ok.
Now I didn’t have constant daily access to the internet cause I couldn’t and still cant afford it. Which, for those of you who don’t know is the only free and most abundant way to find information and tutorials on how to do things for my field of work. I knew I was fucked. My family was proud that I had now graduated from college and was ready to finally go out into the world and be somebody. I was disgusted, because the day after graduation we had a portfolio show where employers were invited to look at our work and see if they liked it enough to talk to us about possibly working for them. I had 2 people talk to me who were being generous because I was at the end of the table and they knew that I’d just witnessed them ooo and aww over my classmates work.
So here I am now a year later and now my friends back home are getting closer and closer to their own graduations. They’re reaching that final leg of the race. Just one year to go or however long it is that they have left. And you know what I’m hearing? Complaints. They as well as I are sick of it, all of it. They just want to live and be free from tests and books and notes and massive amounts of coffee.
Here’s my question. How long has this been going on? For how many generations have people realized that all we want to do is play and have recess? Like we’re suppose to do. There’s more to this but I’m tired now and my question wasn’t really fulfilled here at the end but you understand what I’m trying to say I hope.
Tuesday, January 10, 2006,3:57 PM
Disenchanted Youth part one
Born into a generation where youthful adventures and uninhibited bicycle journeys during the day for children were soon put to an end, as a result of kidnappings and other such crimes involving the mistreatment of children were on a rise more so then ever before in American society. We had to suffer, as we were forced to watch other lives live adventurously through a television screen. And wonder why we couldn’t be out there discovering dead bodies like in the movie STAND BY ME or helping an alien friend return home as in E.T. THE EXTRATERRESTRIAL.
Growing up my friends and I weren’t allowed to ever venture to far from home or our neighborhoods for that matter and growing up as a teenager in suburban society of a small town wasn’t much easier either. Most I ever did as a youth was ride my bike about 2 miles down the road to my buddies house where we’d often sit in his room and daydream of the days when we could finally leave our parental prisons and guarded homes and travel beyond the walls of our encampments. Oh yes, our adventures came much later in life. Unlike the last “free-generation”, which gave birth to skaters, and not too mention the other exciting youths from previous generations who grew up before the late 70’s and early 80’s. My generation’s adventures were tamed or restricted, put off until a much more MATURE age. We had to wait until our 20’s before we could truly be rebellious. Being rebellious at 20 seems silly but let me tell you it IS, trust me. However, we had no other choice. This is the story of me and my generation and our self proclaimed adventures lived late in our youth. In our last days of youth.
I was first placed into school at the tender age of 5 years old. I never managed to escape. I was imprisoned in this place of education until the age of 19. I was already attending college at The Art Institute of Dallas before I was 20. I remained there until the last few months of my 21st year. During my unobserved time in this urban society I subtly began to find myself to be completely free of all youthful restrictions that once held me back from my adventures. At first I wasn’t sure how to deal with it or what to do with my spare time. And then…
I realized something, Where is the pressure coming from? Who is it really who is putting THIS pressure on me on us to do this thing called LIFE. This isn’t living this is farming. America has gotten itself into such a frenzy of the working class, business man and woman state of mind that there is no more time for anyone to actually live or be adventurous.
The only people who actually get a semi adventurous life are celebrities and even that comes with a cost. Sure they get all the money they could ever want or need for ENTERTAINING us the lower classman of the world, But as their reward we have people chase them around like animals photographing their every move as if they’re some kind of Discovery channel special. They get to live adventurous lives for entertaining us who don’t have the time or the money too and then we stalk them down when they do something we WISH we all could do. Things that people use to do on a regular basis like mountain climbing, or hiking, or sailing, or whatever freedoms the wealthy are permitted to do as a reward for having money in their pockets to do it with. And people wonder why celebrities have such big homes and why the have so many of them. Those aren’t homes, they’re elaborate, expensive, cages that they hide themselves in with multiple rooms so that they MIGHT get a chance at privacy if they can manage to get from one room to the next or one home to the next without being spotted by the paparazzi.
Meanwhile the rest of us, are stuck sending our children to school as soon as they can walk nowadays. Then as shortly after we give them permission to drive we send them off to College which seems like we’re letting them go free. Which of course everyone KNOWS isn’t in the least bit true because what happens when they’re in college. They’re paying for it or racking up one hell of a debt with loans. And if they go to college they have to have classes, keeping them to busy to ever really go to far from school or home for risk of failing. Going to class restricts any real work time so the income isn’t as good as it could be so they definitely can’t go to far then. Unless of course they come from a wealthy family and then a few of the circumstances are different, but I wouldn’t know anything about that. I’m not speaking for the richer classes here, I’m speaking in general discomfort for what America has done to its youth in lower or middle class societies.
Next, after graduating from college they’re suppose to do what? Get a job. Oh, yeah that’s right, become some cooperate slave and help someone else get rich. Then you’ve got your two diplomas in your pocket you’ve got your steady paycheck you living alright now, actually got a reliable car to carry you to and from work and home. Bills are most usually paid off every month. Bills including, car payment, insurance payments, life insurance and car insurance and whatever else insurance they make you get along the way. Not too mention the 200 dollars you have to send in every month to pay back those loans that got you the job in the first place. Oh yeah real nice guys. I got the job everyone wanted me to get but I can’t enjoy it because all my money is already spent before I have time to save any of it. Leaving me STILL BROKE and no money or time to go anywhere. Same bullshit I had to deal with as a kid. A kid yeah childhood was a real good time let me tell ya. Talk about getting pissed off when that trip was over. Filled my head full of dreams of being an astronaut, cowboy, gunslinger, hitchhiker (seeing beautiful America), bum, mountain climber, movie star, or rich wealthy man. Wait, you mean I have to wait even longer before that happens, you mean I have to do all of this shit to get there. Well take it back. I don’t wanna do it then, just let me be free, free or obligations, free of debts, free from work. WORK? WORK SUCKS!!!
Then, oh yes, there’s more. Then they want you to find a wife. Mom and Dad wanna be grandparents before they’re too old to enjoy it. But no no no, they don’t wanna be that young and be a grandparent. Dad says becareful son, “always wear protection. Or just don’t have sex at all”. And mom says “sweety you’ll find a good one for ya someday, you’ll see. Just don’t give up.” GREAT! Still paying off debts and working your ass off to make sure you do that NOW they want you to try and have some kind of social life misk in with all of that mess. You do it, you get your little wifey the love of your life which brings love, sex, drama, and even MORE debt into your life. Especially after that wedding bill, for the invitations and decorations and plus you just added the college debt of the Miss’ onto yours once you got that joint account together.
Where are the kids? The kids? Oh yes you have to have the kids so mom and pop can become grandmom and gradpop before they pass on. Now you’ve got Love, Sex, Drama, and crying Baby, plus stress from work and everything else mixed together. No wonder suicide rates increase occasionally.
Let’s recap, shall we?
BORN
Crawl, poop, spit up
Walk
Age 5 (if lucky) GO TO SCHOOL
Walking still
Reading
Doing math
Age 16 (if lucky) LEARN TO DRIVE
Driving
Still walking
Reading
And doing math
Age 19 ( if you don’t fail) or (if lucky) GRADUATE
YAY!!!!!!
Age 19 ( if rushed) GO TO COLLEGE (get a degree and try to find love of life)
Still driving
Now learning a Specialty
Age 23-24 … 22 ( if lucky) GRADUATE
YAY!!! Again
NOW GO TO WORK (bullshit)
GET NEW CAR
PAY OFF LOANS
GET A WIFE
GET HER PREGNANT
HAVE KIDS
PUT THEM THROUGH SAME DRILL
Bullshit
Bullshit
Bullshit
IF LUCKY….
Finally get to LIVE early 50’s when vacation time has accumulated to 3 months paid vacation time. And you can afford to buy the RV that you’ll use once. YEAH RIGHT !! By the time we’re 50 we’ll be working harder then ever. Son of a bitch.
These are the thoughts that keep me up at night.
You see what I’ve done here. I’ve given a BASIC run down of everything we’re mean to do. Where in between all of this is there REALLY any TIME to live adventurously? Maybe for most Americans this is a NORMAL life. And they’re perfectly content going from day to day living their lives as a gear in this well oiled machine. As for me and my friends. There’s a few of us who just couldn’t stand living in this manner and we wanted a way out. Some chose to do nothing at all and really be like a bum working hourly jobs paid week by week living from pay check to pay check never attended college. Some of us attended and hated every minute of it, wishing we’d never gone. Others went to college didn’t really dislike it but felt we were forced into it as a result of it being the next thing to do on the itinerary of life. Which scared a few of us considering what comes after college if it hasn’t happened already. At some point we knew we were suppose to get married. Not necessarily a requirement but something people expected out of a few of us anyway. None of us were scholarly types but we admitted to knowing a thing or two.
Ah, who am I kidding? We were all young and rebellious against the life path we would all eventually fall into in some form or another. But for those of us who thought their JUST HAD TO BE MORE TO LIFE aside from what was already stated. Well we persisted in attempting to do and see and live as much as we could without letting up until someone finally broke our knees or forced us in someway to stay put and do the inevitable.
What were we suppose to do, give in and do what we didn’t want to do and be miserable doing it or were we right in our last rebellious act by not going along with the predetermined life plan set before us by American standards? I had my high school diploma I had my Degree; I knew my studies and how to gain the information I needed in order to get back into the industry. Or so I thought. But I also had a huge debt of about 50 grand looming just around the corner that I would soon have to start paying off. I was freaking out knowing I had 3 months left to actually LIVE before I was going to be hard pressed by the government to pay off my loans. 3 months before a ten year stretch of bills asking for money I wouldn’t have. Never the less, I was once told that I should never worry about anything, because that’s precisely when everything starts to get messed up really bad. I said Fuck it. And decided I wanted to do whatever I could to travel and LIVE during that time. And that’s what I decided to do during my last days of youth. Last days of seemingly real freedom. Anything after that remaining 3 month window of opportunity would be done on borrowed time, requested off time from a job, time I didn’t really have to lose off the clock for fear of not being able to make the payments that were required of me. I had to take the chance and not worry about any job opportunities that might pass me by IF I didn’t go. Things always have a way of working themselves out in the end anyways right? And everything happens for a reason, there’s no such thing as coincidence. These are the things I trusted in as I made my decision. That and also my belief that you should ALWAYS follow your heart. Well, damn it my heart said go. I went. Let me tell ya…..I’m 100% sure that I made the right decision. Besides after all as soon as I wanted to that preset Itinerary of life is always there when you decided to come back to it.
Growing up my friends and I weren’t allowed to ever venture to far from home or our neighborhoods for that matter and growing up as a teenager in suburban society of a small town wasn’t much easier either. Most I ever did as a youth was ride my bike about 2 miles down the road to my buddies house where we’d often sit in his room and daydream of the days when we could finally leave our parental prisons and guarded homes and travel beyond the walls of our encampments. Oh yes, our adventures came much later in life. Unlike the last “free-generation”, which gave birth to skaters, and not too mention the other exciting youths from previous generations who grew up before the late 70’s and early 80’s. My generation’s adventures were tamed or restricted, put off until a much more MATURE age. We had to wait until our 20’s before we could truly be rebellious. Being rebellious at 20 seems silly but let me tell you it IS, trust me. However, we had no other choice. This is the story of me and my generation and our self proclaimed adventures lived late in our youth. In our last days of youth.
I was first placed into school at the tender age of 5 years old. I never managed to escape. I was imprisoned in this place of education until the age of 19. I was already attending college at The Art Institute of Dallas before I was 20. I remained there until the last few months of my 21st year. During my unobserved time in this urban society I subtly began to find myself to be completely free of all youthful restrictions that once held me back from my adventures. At first I wasn’t sure how to deal with it or what to do with my spare time. And then…
I realized something, Where is the pressure coming from? Who is it really who is putting THIS pressure on me on us to do this thing called LIFE. This isn’t living this is farming. America has gotten itself into such a frenzy of the working class, business man and woman state of mind that there is no more time for anyone to actually live or be adventurous.
The only people who actually get a semi adventurous life are celebrities and even that comes with a cost. Sure they get all the money they could ever want or need for ENTERTAINING us the lower classman of the world, But as their reward we have people chase them around like animals photographing their every move as if they’re some kind of Discovery channel special. They get to live adventurous lives for entertaining us who don’t have the time or the money too and then we stalk them down when they do something we WISH we all could do. Things that people use to do on a regular basis like mountain climbing, or hiking, or sailing, or whatever freedoms the wealthy are permitted to do as a reward for having money in their pockets to do it with. And people wonder why celebrities have such big homes and why the have so many of them. Those aren’t homes, they’re elaborate, expensive, cages that they hide themselves in with multiple rooms so that they MIGHT get a chance at privacy if they can manage to get from one room to the next or one home to the next without being spotted by the paparazzi.
Meanwhile the rest of us, are stuck sending our children to school as soon as they can walk nowadays. Then as shortly after we give them permission to drive we send them off to College which seems like we’re letting them go free. Which of course everyone KNOWS isn’t in the least bit true because what happens when they’re in college. They’re paying for it or racking up one hell of a debt with loans. And if they go to college they have to have classes, keeping them to busy to ever really go to far from school or home for risk of failing. Going to class restricts any real work time so the income isn’t as good as it could be so they definitely can’t go to far then. Unless of course they come from a wealthy family and then a few of the circumstances are different, but I wouldn’t know anything about that. I’m not speaking for the richer classes here, I’m speaking in general discomfort for what America has done to its youth in lower or middle class societies.
Next, after graduating from college they’re suppose to do what? Get a job. Oh, yeah that’s right, become some cooperate slave and help someone else get rich. Then you’ve got your two diplomas in your pocket you’ve got your steady paycheck you living alright now, actually got a reliable car to carry you to and from work and home. Bills are most usually paid off every month. Bills including, car payment, insurance payments, life insurance and car insurance and whatever else insurance they make you get along the way. Not too mention the 200 dollars you have to send in every month to pay back those loans that got you the job in the first place. Oh yeah real nice guys. I got the job everyone wanted me to get but I can’t enjoy it because all my money is already spent before I have time to save any of it. Leaving me STILL BROKE and no money or time to go anywhere. Same bullshit I had to deal with as a kid. A kid yeah childhood was a real good time let me tell ya. Talk about getting pissed off when that trip was over. Filled my head full of dreams of being an astronaut, cowboy, gunslinger, hitchhiker (seeing beautiful America), bum, mountain climber, movie star, or rich wealthy man. Wait, you mean I have to wait even longer before that happens, you mean I have to do all of this shit to get there. Well take it back. I don’t wanna do it then, just let me be free, free or obligations, free of debts, free from work. WORK? WORK SUCKS!!!
Then, oh yes, there’s more. Then they want you to find a wife. Mom and Dad wanna be grandparents before they’re too old to enjoy it. But no no no, they don’t wanna be that young and be a grandparent. Dad says becareful son, “always wear protection. Or just don’t have sex at all”. And mom says “sweety you’ll find a good one for ya someday, you’ll see. Just don’t give up.” GREAT! Still paying off debts and working your ass off to make sure you do that NOW they want you to try and have some kind of social life misk in with all of that mess. You do it, you get your little wifey the love of your life which brings love, sex, drama, and even MORE debt into your life. Especially after that wedding bill, for the invitations and decorations and plus you just added the college debt of the Miss’ onto yours once you got that joint account together.
Where are the kids? The kids? Oh yes you have to have the kids so mom and pop can become grandmom and gradpop before they pass on. Now you’ve got Love, Sex, Drama, and crying Baby, plus stress from work and everything else mixed together. No wonder suicide rates increase occasionally.
Let’s recap, shall we?
BORN
Crawl, poop, spit up
Walk
Age 5 (if lucky) GO TO SCHOOL
Walking still
Reading
Doing math
Age 16 (if lucky) LEARN TO DRIVE
Driving
Still walking
Reading
And doing math
Age 19 ( if you don’t fail) or (if lucky) GRADUATE
YAY!!!!!!
Age 19 ( if rushed) GO TO COLLEGE (get a degree and try to find love of life)
Still driving
Now learning a Specialty
Age 23-24 … 22 ( if lucky) GRADUATE
YAY!!! Again
NOW GO TO WORK (bullshit)
GET NEW CAR
PAY OFF LOANS
GET A WIFE
GET HER PREGNANT
HAVE KIDS
PUT THEM THROUGH SAME DRILL
Bullshit
Bullshit
Bullshit
IF LUCKY….
Finally get to LIVE early 50’s when vacation time has accumulated to 3 months paid vacation time. And you can afford to buy the RV that you’ll use once. YEAH RIGHT !! By the time we’re 50 we’ll be working harder then ever. Son of a bitch.
These are the thoughts that keep me up at night.
You see what I’ve done here. I’ve given a BASIC run down of everything we’re mean to do. Where in between all of this is there REALLY any TIME to live adventurously? Maybe for most Americans this is a NORMAL life. And they’re perfectly content going from day to day living their lives as a gear in this well oiled machine. As for me and my friends. There’s a few of us who just couldn’t stand living in this manner and we wanted a way out. Some chose to do nothing at all and really be like a bum working hourly jobs paid week by week living from pay check to pay check never attended college. Some of us attended and hated every minute of it, wishing we’d never gone. Others went to college didn’t really dislike it but felt we were forced into it as a result of it being the next thing to do on the itinerary of life. Which scared a few of us considering what comes after college if it hasn’t happened already. At some point we knew we were suppose to get married. Not necessarily a requirement but something people expected out of a few of us anyway. None of us were scholarly types but we admitted to knowing a thing or two.
Ah, who am I kidding? We were all young and rebellious against the life path we would all eventually fall into in some form or another. But for those of us who thought their JUST HAD TO BE MORE TO LIFE aside from what was already stated. Well we persisted in attempting to do and see and live as much as we could without letting up until someone finally broke our knees or forced us in someway to stay put and do the inevitable.
What were we suppose to do, give in and do what we didn’t want to do and be miserable doing it or were we right in our last rebellious act by not going along with the predetermined life plan set before us by American standards? I had my high school diploma I had my Degree; I knew my studies and how to gain the information I needed in order to get back into the industry. Or so I thought. But I also had a huge debt of about 50 grand looming just around the corner that I would soon have to start paying off. I was freaking out knowing I had 3 months left to actually LIVE before I was going to be hard pressed by the government to pay off my loans. 3 months before a ten year stretch of bills asking for money I wouldn’t have. Never the less, I was once told that I should never worry about anything, because that’s precisely when everything starts to get messed up really bad. I said Fuck it. And decided I wanted to do whatever I could to travel and LIVE during that time. And that’s what I decided to do during my last days of youth. Last days of seemingly real freedom. Anything after that remaining 3 month window of opportunity would be done on borrowed time, requested off time from a job, time I didn’t really have to lose off the clock for fear of not being able to make the payments that were required of me. I had to take the chance and not worry about any job opportunities that might pass me by IF I didn’t go. Things always have a way of working themselves out in the end anyways right? And everything happens for a reason, there’s no such thing as coincidence. These are the things I trusted in as I made my decision. That and also my belief that you should ALWAYS follow your heart. Well, damn it my heart said go. I went. Let me tell ya…..I’m 100% sure that I made the right decision. Besides after all as soon as I wanted to that preset Itinerary of life is always there when you decided to come back to it.